764. I'm not Italian.

I tried. I really tried. After nearly a year of failure, I've decided to throw in the towel and to embrace the one thing that separates me from Italians: Lint.*

I live in a Lint-free society, people. I've finally accepted the fact that I simply don't fit in.

I've been wanting to write a post about this when I first noticed this small, yet significant, difference between the standard Italian and me, during my first long stay in Italy nearly a year ago: Italians don't sport Lint. They are a Lint-proof race. Italians dress impeccably and stylishly well, as you know, and in clothes Lint normally loves--for example, long black or dark brown wool coats, trendy pull-overs, fancy dark trousers--but not when worn by an Italian.

The reason I haven't written a post about this phenomenon until tonight is because I thought that I too could become Lint-free. I had hoped that my Lint post would be in the vein of me poking fun at the Lint-clad foreigners/tourists, because I would be Lint-free, I would be the outsider who belonged.

But, alas, no. It will never be. The Lint cannot be fooled. It knows that I am an American. An ex-pat. A wannabe European. A poser.

The Lint knows this and seeks out my clothing, to mark me, to say, "This person is not of your ilk! Beware! Approach with caution AND in English!" (As if my 5' 10" stature wasn't give-away enough. Lint is cruel like that.)

It has taken me long enough--coming to terms with my lintphilicity has not been easy, but for this I am a better person. I've embraced my enemy, Lint. Granted, I still use my lint brush before leaving the house, but when the first speck of obvious white Lint lands on my clothes I no longer curse and quickly pick it off. No, I'm much more evolved now. I watch it land, greet it and say, "I'm American. I have Lint. So be it." To the Lint I then say, "Stay awhile, make yourself at home, and hey...why don't you invite your friends?"


Me (the more evolved me, joyously embracing Lint and oh-so-not Italian) and a Lint with friends party.

*sigh* (A sigh of resignation.)

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*In my more evolved state I now have deference for Lint. It cannot be conquered. It must be embraced. Kinda like Borg.