Admittedly, it's hard for me to read anybody's opinion about pop-culture celebrities, because the subject bores me. (Celebrities are just people who to have way too much money. Absolute power corrupts. Absolute wealth stupefies, it seems.) Dowd began the piece with Kevin Federline, Britney Spear's rather unfamous husband. However--thankfully--she used Federline to segue into an observation about an interesting turn in our society: More women are earning more money than their spouses or live-in partners.
Hooray for Women's Lib!
Right?
Our earning power is making strides--that's good news--but we women are still being fed the same old line of shit: Women are responsible for the male ego. If we make more money than him, he feels less manly. Since it is our doing that put him in such a pickle, we must tread lightly in the relationship.
Dowd quotes Kate White, the editor of Cosmopolitan, who offers advice to women on how to help the male ego during these difficult times:
“He’s got to feel like he carries the weight in the relationship somehow,’’ she said. “So if he’s not the main financial provider, he’s got to be the protector, or maybe he’s the really social one. When you have dinner parties, or get-togethers, he’s the one who’s really the dominant social force. You’ve got to let him know he has a big role and you can’t talk about ‘my money.’ It’s got to be ‘our money.’’’
I was reminded of an old 60's Tampon box insert. It said something along the lines of... to be a good wife, you must always be happy and cheerful, because your husband works hard at work. If he is feeling loving, you shouldn't be cold or frigid. Don't use the headache excuse!*
My, my, my.
I'm seeing old attitudes repackaged into new Tampon boxes, and the attitudes are equally insulting to both sexes.
Men: You have fragile egos. You can't possibly handle it if your wife brings home more bacon than you.
Women: Let's face it, the burden of the relationship rests squarely on your shoulders. And you should feel responsible for it. And for your husband's ego. Now that you've worked hard and are making good money, you can't call it "yours." How selfish and unwomanly! We women are caring, sensitive creatures, after all.
Gag, gag, gag.
I think we should hold high expectations equally across the sexes. Men and women: be sensitive, kind, caring, and loving. Strive to be generous, curb your feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, and insecurity. Learn to take care of your own emotional selves and show more care/affection to your loved ones. Take care of your own needs, learn to make requests when you need support, shut the hole in your head when you feel like lashing out.
A manly man doesn't let an external thing, such as money, affect his feelings of self-worth. Neither should a womanly woman.
It's not earning power that makes people unhappy or feel worthless, or even happy and feel worthwhile. (Sure, it can help.) It's people. Do people care? I like to think so.
..........
* I'll find the reference for this. I saw it in a documentary not too long ago.
2 comments:
I'd also like to see some evidence for the 'fact' that men don't like it when their female partners make more money than they do, that it somehow makes them feel less manly. I'd even take anecdotal evidence, if it were from people I know. Among my friends, I don't think this exists in any real way--and several of my friends are in the situation.
MT: Aw, thanks! I feel so smart now!
Jeff: Yeah, where are those facts? I'd like to see them, too, because I spoke with R about this, and he doesn't believe it either. I bet that the men who do have a problem with women earning more money than them, also have a problem with other men who earn more money. Just a theory.
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