One of my loudest complaints in my relationship was that R wouldn't leave work until 7 or 8 or 9 (sometimes later) at night. Never mind that I would leave only an hour or so before him.
Moving out on one's own is a great way to see what a fuck-up you really are. Not that I'm an extreme fuck-up, but I'm a fuck-up nonetheless. (Well, that was fun writing "fuck"! I love blogs.)
They say that the thing you don't like in yourself, you will see in other people. How true. I think that this is even more true in intimate relationships. We even slip into the nastiness of blaming another for our own unhappiness. I think we might even pick people to be in an intimate relationship with who exhibit both the qualities we would like to change in ourselves, and those that we would like to develop in ourselves.
But, I'm straying from my real blog post:
I've gotten a lot better at leaving the studio when we are closed. Sometimes when I can't bare the thought of going to an empty home at night without even a phone call to look forward to (boy, do I ever sound pathetic!), I wander. Last night was such a night, and I was craving Mexican food something fierce. I drove by a few of my favorite places, but the parking karma wasn't turned on, and I wanted an excuse to wander. I ended up on College Ave. and saw balloons decorating Rockridge's library. I remembered that they were celebrating their 10 year anniversary with a panel discussion with one of my favorite columnists, Jon Carroll. And lookie, across the street: Mexican food! The gods were smiling on me.
I have my priorities, and knew that the gods wouldn't be so cruel as to put me there without giving me time to eat. The parking karma kicked in, I parked, and ate dinner. With a happy belly, I went to the library. I was pleased to see that I had a half hour to mill about the library. I checked out a Hornby book--my book club is reading one of his books, but not the one I check out-- and went upstairs.
The discussion was "Writers on Reading," and additionally included Maxine Hong Kingston and April Sinclair, with Cynthia Gorney as the moderator.
One of the questions posed to the writers was what was their relationship with reading and books as children. They all had delightful stories to share, and my own memories washed over me. Suddenly I was in the public library of my youth.
I have fond memories of that building. It was a second home, not that I was there on a daily or even weekly basis, but rather I felt at home whenever I walked through the doors. I loved the old book smell. I loved how quiet and peaceful it felt. It was also a cool retreat during Manteca's torturous hot summers. I loved pulling books off of the shelves, reading a few passages, and replacing them, and then finally finding something that captured me enough to find a table to read more.
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Jon Carroll said something worth repeating. He said that he loves reading historical novels because it confirms that our society is not going to hell in a hand basket. There have been bigger disasters, more notorious evil leaders, and more heinous crimes committed against humanity. In other words: what's going on now in our world is just more of the same.
Not that we shouldn't fight against it or stand up to it, but maybe we can all relax, and enjoy the goodness that life brings.
Maybe we can all be a little more hopeful, too.
17 comments:
I too love the old library that I went to as a kid. So many fond memories. It was an old stone building...huge and imposing. The children's room was up on the second floor and it seemed like it would take ages to climb those steps. They were so steep too. My little legs would have to stretch far to take each individual step up those stairs. But the effort was well worth it.
I read Jon Carroll every day for years. He was the main reason I subscribed to the Chronicle despite having the time to read very much of the rest of the paper.
Th best part of the manteca public library was the tennis courts across the street--I could go play tennis then go read. Fond memories.
DS: When you figure out the code, can you let me know? I picked up "How to Be Good." It should know. So far, it's been a good book.
Tonya: What a sweet image you wrote! It would make a darling photograph.
Mike: For some reason your comment reminded me of the female columnist whose column sat opposite of Jon Carroll. Who was she? Do you remember her? She was very funny. AJ, who used to have the blog "In Parenthesis," often reminded me of her.
Jeff: I almost forgot about that tennis court. I've played there a few times. Mostly, I'd go to EU and play off-the-wall. EU had a lot of great walls.
You are a special person. Kind of in a "You're retarded" kind of way.
Considering I'm on the phone with you right now, I'll ignore the fact you are even more special than me.
"John Thomas", considering that I'm on the phone with you right now, I'll ignore the fact that you are even more special than me.
hey! you brat!!!!!!!!
Why are you copying my posts?
that's the last time I read out loud as I type with you on the phone! Some people can't be trusted-- word thief!
Hmmm, there have been quite a few. Are you thinking of Adair Lara?
That is who I was thinking about! Thank you, Mike. You just helped me rediscover her.
http://www.adairlara.com/
Relationships suck. Psh, you say "Fuck," 4 times..seems so normal to me. I curse way to much and am trying to cut it out...my blog is riddled with F-Bombs and other curses.
I've actually got a couple of history books I want to check out but haven't had the money yet to purchase them. <333 History..I am afterall majoring in it. =P
OMG! I just realized you added my blog to your list too! <333, I feel loved and liked..Thanks!
Kevin: You're welcome! What does "<333" mean?
Dean: Yeah, it is. Isn't that such a brilliant way to start a book?
Reminds me how I'm not the type of person who would ...
Love! It's hearts..you know? <333...Yes?
Ah, I see! Thanks!
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