279. Incompetence and hyenas.

What does the day of a young glamorous woman look like?

I don't know. But this is how my day looked:

I was in Mill Valley by 8:40am to drop off my car. I arrived early enough to get a Cayenne loaner. Yeah! My service guy, being the sweetheart he is, even offered to touch-up a few of the paint chips my car suffered at the hands of renegade rogue road rocks. (Hey... you don't think he'll charge me, do you? Men!)

8:55 I decided that I deserved a tea for getting up so early and braving morning traffic. (And getting my submissions in on time!) I head to Peet's with a book. I sit and relax. Ahhh. If only I had known what the day had in store for me, I would've spent another hour there!

9:45 I hate to love Target. So easy to return crap stuff.

10:00 4th Street, Berkeley is just down the street, well close enough-- I stop into Hear Music. Buy two Jeff Buckley CD's that I couldn't find on my cheap MP3 sight. I can't believe I just recently discovered his music. Run into my friend L-- She said I looked "Glamorous!" Wow!

10:30 back to the studio. Returned emails. Read blogs.

11:00 business stuff: phone calls, scheduling, cleaning up, maybe read more blogs, maybe even re-read blogs.

11:30 Hey, it's 2:30 in NY, I wonder when they got my submissions?! Go on-line to track. "In transit." IN TRANSIT? What about the priority overnight delivery by 10:30am? Maybe overnight doesn't mean what I think it means. Fuck.

11:31-12:30 My ear hurts. I am on the phone for an hour straight.

FedEx is ran by a bunch of monkeys. Retarded monkeys. No, monkeys are too cute. They are ran by a bunch of retarded hyenas. I hate them. Thunderstorms in Memphis are to blame? Was I born yesterday? Oh, it didn't leave Oakland until this morning? That sounds more honest. Stupid Oakland hyenas. Can I get a fax sent to my recipient by 5:00pm EST explaining why they haven't received my package? This is extremely critical! Finally, finally, finally: "Absolutely."

I call the eventual recipient. No problem, they say. Just have FedEx fax a letter here explaining the problem.

I call back FedEx. "We're on it." Doesn't inspire a whole lotta confidence, what happened to delivery by 10:30am?

12:30 I need a break! Wrote a great e-mail to a friend. Well, I liked it.

1:10 (4:10 EST) I call FedEx to check the status of my fax. I haven't seen my copy yet. "The request is being processed." OK. When should I freak-out and call back? "Give us a half hour."

1:40-2:03 (4:40-5:03 EST) On the phone. "I'm getting the run-around." Wait, I'm the one who should be saying this! Fuck. Is there a manager I can speak to? "That's what I'm doing, ma'am." Oh. Because I can tell!

"I should have thought of this before. I'll get the Customer Advocate for you!"

2:03-2:15 (5:05-5:15 EST) Customer Advocate: Well, they shouldn't have told you that you would get the fax today. I can call them for you, your recipient. Blah, blah, blah.

Tomorrow is going to be another early day.

FedEx, I hate you.

My ear hurts.