Cool hunters(*) have my house and car bugged. (See this, cool hunters? I'm glaring at you!)
More often than I care to admit, I find myself half-tempted to brave the world dressed chiefly in my undergarments. The temptation comes after 10 frustrating minutes of finding exactly what I don't want to wear in my closet. Heck, I rationalize, I spend hundreds of dollars on sexy bras and panties that mostly go unseen, even by me. Josie Natori and Simone Perle would support me.
And it's this sort of thinking that makes me feel very unique. That is until last night when I saw BlueFly.com's commercial! Those bastards exposed me and my half-temptations to the world in just 30 seconds. Not only am I exposed, but apparently I'm uncomplicated. Joan Crawford--129 minutes. janelle renée--30 seconds.
The commercial starts with a nude woman (who is portraying me!) standing in front of a closet full of nothing to wear. She then leaves the bedroom and walks downstairs to an elegant evening party. Downstairs she mingles with guests who are polite enough to look her in the eyes.
I know what you're thinking. "She's nude. You admitted you would go out in your undies. It can't possibly be you." And to that very good point I would remind you that Hollywood takes liberties. Liberties, I say!
I would also give you this next example:
If you read my blog (and you do, don't you?), you know that I love my car. Ever since I got it--that would be since June 9, 2005--I judge other drivers by the amount of respect they give my car. I do this out loud. "Hey, there is a lot of Boxster disrespect going on here!" "That's right, respect the Boxster." It's a little thing I do to make my car feel even more special.
"Who's my special little car? That's right! You are!" Yes, I say this too when approaching her. Aren't I sweet?
Where was I? Oh, yes. Sorry, like a new lover, my car has a strange affect on me.
So. What do you think I heard on another commercial just last week? That's right! "Respect the _________." I am so angry with those cool hunters that I'm not going to be a pawn in their marketing game. Not with this! They've crossed the line when they steal something spoken by me with such heart and truthiness. It's OK to see me naked, but not naked.
*sigh*
What's a cool girl to do?
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(*)William Gibson coined the term first in Pattern Recognition. "Cool Hunters" are trend scouts-- they watch what the cool fringe folk do and report back to corporate marketers. They in turn create marketing material that gives the impression their clients are trendsetters when, in fact, they are trend-stealers.
7 comments:
What if I steal your cool? Would you be angry with me?
Hey! Back up. I thought I stole your cool. I demand to know whose cool I stole!
So? I can steal it back!
How about a compromise? Let's share!
If I might change the subject (kinda), I saw the Cayman S in person for the first time while dealing routine maintenance on our wagon yesterday, and I'll just say I'd hop a mile on one foot, naked and in the snow, for one of them.
(Repeat as necessary: "I'd rather be able to send my kids to whatever college will admit them.")
What's a cool hunter?
And, by the way, maybe Mommy Dearest ran 129 minutes, but Joan Crawford was pretty much summed up in the few seconds it took to say "no more wire hangers!"
Tom-- Have you seen the Cayenne's? Do I have a story for you. Next post.
Oscar-- William Gibson coined the term first in Pattern Recognition. "Cool Hunters" are trend scouts-- they watch what the cool fringe folk do and report back to corporate marketers. They in turn create marketing material that gives the impression their clients are trendsetters, when in fact, they are trend-stealers. I should've explained the term in the post. My bad.
Damn you, cool hunters!
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